My sister Mindy is on a fitness kick to start off her 2014 year. Yes, it’s a New Year’s resolution! Let’s see how she’s doing so far:
Mindy’s 2014 Fitness log day 1 & 2:
I decided that 2014 is going to be my, find my 18, or 19, or 20 or 21 year old body year. I’d call it my New Year’s resolution, but the fact that I hate to be so cliche’ and quite possibly a damn liar should I (when I) stray from my goals, I’ll refrain from such a statement. We’ll call it what it is, my good intentions, but probably fall real short of my goals, 2014 fitness plans.
Day 1: I wake up early, okay, before noon for those that know me well, and I head off to softball practice. Feeling pretty good, as I know I’m headed off to two hours of physical activity. Feeling less good about myself when I realize that it’s the kids that engage in the physical activity, I just tell them what to do. No worries, I’ll make up for it when I get home…oh wait, I’m going to ihop after practice to indulge in their all you can fatten up with pancakes they have going on. No worries, I’ll make up for it when I get home and add an extra 10 minutes to my routine. So I get home and park my even larger ass on the couch to get ready to watch the wild card games. I need to settle on a few exercises I can do while I watch football. I can feel that 4th pancake resting ever so rudely in the pit of my stomach. I need to work it, and the 3 that went before it, off my thighs and stomach. What to do? What to do? Wait? What? The first quarter is over and Im still thinking about a routine? This is stupid. Shit or get off the pot Mindy. If thinking about what excercises I should be doing made me fit, I’d be one very fit woman. Alas, this fitness plan, like my lottery retirement plan, is a massive fail. I then have this brilliant idea, I’ll do stair runs during the commercial breaks! Yeah, I’m pumped now. Thighs, ass, calves, core, and I’m certain even my brains is going to be stronger. Let’s do this!! First commercial break comes on, lets go get fit!! Weird, this commercial break seems to be lasting at least 23 minutes. No worries, I made it through, I’m in shape!! I didn’t die!! Sit back down. Oh, look, San Diego called a time out. But I just sat down. No worries, I’ll just pace myself better. Holy commercials, this break is lasting 34 minutes…WTF?? After my first two sets I quickly came to 2 conclusions:
1. There are entirely TOO many commercials during a football game.
2. Not only are there a ridiculous amount of commercial breaks, they seemingly last 87 minutes. WTH??
The stair run routine quickly went from every commercial break to every third commercial break. The other 2 breaks went for thinking about other ways I could get fit. Again, if ideas were the key to fitness, I’m one hot looking 29 year old Asian!
Wait, what do you mean there are TWO games on today. Holy fitness hell, what is this nonsense. I no longer like the NFL.
Day 2: After scouring the internet the day before during my 2 commercial breaks that I thought about fitness, I decided I need a visual guide. I need a fitness trainer that has an instructional video on youtube. Hours of research told me Shaun T seemed to have a few good videos and so does Jillian Michaels. I had bookmarked a couple of videos the day before and decided to try them out today. They looked simple enough and both Shaun T and Jillian seem like nice easy going folk with a slight sense of humor. I think I can do this! No, check that, I KNOW I can do this! Bring on Mindy’s commitment to fitness 2014!! On with the Jillian Michaels video. Hers is only 30 minutes. Who can’t do 30 minutes?? Seriously?? You’re a giant wuss if you can’t last that long. How hard can it be?? Jillian, you and I are going to be best friends. I steam my laptop through my tv so I can watch it in HD. If I’m going to be getting ripped, I’m going to do it in HD. This is weird, there are red lines running through the video that are around Jillians head and seem to follow her. Hmm, probably just a cheap HDMI cable causing that. Lets go Jillian! Show me what you got! Look at us, lunging, squatting, jumping, pumping!! Look at me sweat, man I feel good. I got this! We’re almost done she says Wait? What? That was the warmups? Just warmups? Are you kidding me? I’m liking you a little less now Jillian, but I think I can do this. There are only 10 minutes left….OMG, that warmup only lasted 3 minutes? I don’t think I have any more sweat to give? Wait, why aren’t you taking a break Jillian? I hate you Jillian. Those red lines are looking more and more like devil horns. You are the devil Jillian. How are you talking through all of this? How are you smiling through all of this? What the hell is wrong with you? Oh darn the dogs want to go out. I must pause the video…..I’ll resume it tomorrow. Maybe I’ll like Jillian a little better tomorrow