Many Shakespeare titles and plots came to mind in reviewing this week’s games.  For some, it was “Love’s labours lost.”  For others, it was “A comedy of errors,” and “Much ado about nothing.”  All of us were hoping that, “All’s well that ends well,” or at least, “As you like it,” but far too often, our game plan became a tragedy like Macbeth, or a downright bloody awful mess like the plot of Titus Andronicus.  I personally felt like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern — treacherous and clever but ultimately betrayed by what I held in my own hands (a 75 point lead going into Monday night, and a hope that Jeff George and the Washington D might actually do something).  I was thinking, “Go ahead little vulture, eat that cheez… it doesn’t matter that it’s mostly green.  What harm could befall you?”  But come Tuesday morning… Nooo!  That green stuff was bad…  It is the poisoned cup, it is too late (Hamlet V, II, 296).  aaaarrrgggh!

Anyway, here’s what Shakespeare had to say about this week’s games…

Pack Attack vs. Horseheads

If you prick us, do we not bleed?  If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?  That’s why the horsehead is in your bed!

(Merchant of Venice III, I, 59)

Naja Naja vs. Roadrunners

Hast thou slain him then?  Henceforth be never numb’red among men!  O, once tell true: tell true, even for my sake: durst thou have looked upon him being awake?  And hast thou killed him, sleeping?  O brave touch!  Could not a worm, an adder, do so much?  An adder did it; for with doubler tongue than thine, thou serpent, never adder stung.

(A Midsummer-Night’s Dream III, II, 69)

Flyers vs. Big Red

Alas poor Pat, I knew him well—A man of infinite jest, of most excellent fantasy football.  He hath borne me on his back, and I have crushed him.

(Hamlet V, I, 187)

Blue Devils vs. No Shows

Mike, Mike.  Wherefore art thou Mike?  Deny thy team and refuse to win!  Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And the devil still might beat you.

(Romeo & Juliet II, II, 35)

Norsemen vs. Hylanders

There is something rotten in the state of Scotland!

(Hamlet I, IV, 96)

Jumanji vs. The Refrigerated Toads

The pound of frog, which I demand of him is dearly bought, ‘tis mine, and I will have it: If you deny me, fie upon your law!

(Merchant of Venice, IV, I, 100)

Bottom Feeders vs. Flame

Alas then, he is drowned?

Drowned, drowned

Too much of water hast thou, poor flame.

(Hamlet IV, VII, 183)

Cheez Heads vs. Turkey-Vultures

To be, or not to be: That is the question.  Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous Green Bay fortune, or to take arms against a sea of Redskin troubles, and by opposing, end them.  To die, to sleep — No more…

(Hamlet III, I, 56)