So, I’ve been home sick for the last few days, so I decided to watch a couple of classic films involving an actor who would eventually become a politician elected to a high office. In one of the movies, he plays a military man who gets involved with a cuddly creature. In the other movie, he plays an ex- fighter.

Of course, I’m talking about Jessie “The Body” Ventura, who will soon be the Governor of Minnesota. The two movies I watched, back-to-back, were Predator and The Running Man, both also starring his friend and future Republican (Kennedy) President Arnold Schwartzenegger, who, as we know from Demolition Man, became so popular that they changed the rules so that he could be elected. Schwartzenegger may have some stiff competition if he’s planning to run in 2002 because Hulk Hogan says he wants to run for President as well.

Wouldn’t it be great if they became President and Vice President (I’m assuming that Arnie would win the Presidency)? Their cabinet would be staffed with Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, Demi Moore, and a host of WWF wrestlers. Each Planet Hollywood would have its own ambassador. Fights in the Senate and in the House would be determined in the ring, and no country would mess with us because they have seen what our President has done in action. He’d probably go to that country himself and blow the whole place up, using one of those grenade lanunching machine guns that never seem to run out of bullets.

But I digress…

Like Rocky (The Press Secretary, “Yo. You talkin’ to me?”), you can never count the Bottom Feeders out. They were down going into Monday night (Nitro?), but came back with a vengance against the Big Red (Communist) menace to become the top scorer of the week. The Scorpions must have felt like the scorpion in the movie Predator, who first got stabbed, then stomped on and left for dead so the alien Toads could play with it later. Like Bruce Willis (Advisor/Speech Writer, “Yippie Ki Yea, et cetera and so forth”), Jumanji is no stranger to natural disasters like (a) (T)Sunami. I’m sure there will be a sequel. Flame over Cheez = Flambeé. Mmm Mmm Good! Like Arnie in the Running Man (President, “I’ll be back… for a third term”), the T-Vults were falsely accused (of being a medeocre doormat kind of team). And although the Ascenders had superior weapons, they lacked cunning (and a starting Quarterback) and were picked off, one by one, until only the T-Vults remained. Like Demi Moore (Foreign Ambassador, “You two will make peace or I’ll cry at you”) Naja Naja are great manipulators from another planet (Venus, I think). We can never understand them, we just must obey them. At least they let the Norsemen play both their quarterbacks.

These Sirens must be stopped! Next week’s team, lash yourself to the mast now!

Co-Missioner
Brian